UFO's over China Cause Airport Closings / 1000 Russians Drown After Walking Into the Water Drunk / Thermosphere Shrinking at Alarming Rate
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Is anybody else keeping tabs on this? I am not really up on the Bible, but aren't these things a sign of the Apocalypse??? I mean, that wasn't my first thought, but when I started to add it up it made sense. The UFO sightings just confirm it. Oh, sure...I suppose that these aliens could be cruising China in effort to find cheap labor like everyone else, but don't you think they would have access to all of those reports on lead contamination and such?
Seriously, if the Chinese can't put together an EZ Bake oven without the risk of it pushing out toxic brownies that make little Cindy's tea party all sorts of embarrassing then how well do you think they would handle dylithium crystals, worm-holes, or whatever the heck these guys are juicing up their spaceships with? No, it just doesn't add up. It's more likely that this is the eve of the Apocalypse and they are just here for the show.
Is it that absurd? After all, less than one week ago my friends and I were outside Madison Square Garden trying to score tickets for Jack Johnson from our choice of gold-toothed, one-legged, glass-eyed vermin and willing to pay top dollar to groove to the beat. And that was just for a concert??? Can you imagine how something like THIS is being played out among the intergalactic scalping scene?
"No, Dude...seriously...I've got the best seats in the Universe, right here. I will have you parked directly over the most populated area on the planet! This thing is going to be epic! Hell, I heard these idiots actually test nukes on their own planet, drill for oil in deep water with , get this....ZERO knowledge of how to fix a leak and wait...you're going to love this...don't believe in global warming in spite of the fact that it's a thousand fucking degrees down there! I know...I know! Damn, brother...their thermosphere is disappearing and it can't even break into the news cycle because Lindsay Lohan is going to jail...absolutely classic!"
"What?!?...I'm not playing you! Of course these are real! I'll even let you go in for a minute and check it out. Wait a minute...hold on...hold on!........Damn, it sounds like it's starting............ Yup...their walking drunk into the water already...Shit!...I'll let you have them for face value, but you're killing me here, you're killing me!"
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